This post is a collection of thoughts, feelings, and things I have been learning recently. This year has taught me more than I could’ve imagined. If I could go back to talk to myself in August, I wouldn’t believe anything I’d say. Everything I write about below is a bunch of little blessings. It’s not as smooth of an entry as I would like, but I’ve been attempting to curb my perfectionistic tendencies. I look forward to heading into the mission field, and I am thankful for all the training already taking place in my life. Thank you for your support and time; it means the world to me. All my love, Deborah.
The holiday season doesn’t stop for anybody. Sometimes, I get so busy that I can’t process what is happening in front of me. I want to take a second to look at the blessings the Lord has given me recently, so let’s put this into perspective. In the past two months: my sister got married, my dad had surgery on both of his eyes, and I applied to colleges. Not to mention Thanksgiving and Christmas were along for the ride. In all honesty, preparing for this trip has taken the backseat. In looking around at my life these past few months, I have again neglected to let myself breathe. To start this entry, I want to take a second and thank God. He protected the wedding (Jeremy is now a part of the family), led my dad through surgery safely (he is now recovering well), and I got accepted to all three schools I applied to (with intentions to defer for a year). On top of that, we all made it through family dinner with most of our limbs intact. Praise the Lord!
You may not know this, but I work in childcare. The first thing you learn in childcare is that you know nothing; when you think you know something, you probably don’t. When I started working with kids in Sunday school, I was only 12 years old. I made mistakes, and I learned things along the way. Managing crying kids is difficult, especially with seven children under four in a classroom. We play worship music in the background, stack blocks into towers, and get upset when other people knock those buildings down. God gave me the talent to love and meet children where they are. One of the most important things I teach my kids in the classroom is communication. If they need space, I give them some, but they have to ask for it. They can express their emotions freely, but they cannot kick me or throw toys at other kids. They won’t remember most of the things about my class, but how I treat them and reassure them will stick. The time I spend with them is crucial to their development, and the Lord has been teaching me how important that is for me to value. I grow with the kids I teach. I show them how we treat our friends, and they show me the little things that make us all human.
I’ve spent the last few months relearning essential lessons I had previously understood. Here is a short list of these reminders: Treat people with kindness, for their benefit, and not your selfish ambition. In controversy, show His love regardless of what you receive. Remember that it is okay to need time and space. Know when to say no, and understand that saying no is an asset. Look to your roots, and see where you are planted is good soil. Learn how to be alone, and be intentional with that time because it is essential to true joy. And lastly, the Lord still views you as His child, no matter what you face on earth.
I recently started thinking about the small things that are special to me. I find joy in the snow falling on the ground, the flowers I keep from every special occasion, and the games I play with my family. I keep coming back to the simplicity of life. Recently, joy has been my priority. In all situations, I want to find joy wherever I go. Everything has a purpose, and I am ever so grateful for the littlest things in life.
These months have been hectic, and the children I care for have been wild. But as always, the Lord works all things together for good. He shows me glimpses of His beauty in everything I see. Sometimes it’s in how my sister Diana looks at her husband or in the jokes my dad tells at the dinner table. I see His joy on the faces of the kids I teach when we dance around and play hide and seek. I feel His peace when I let myself be alone with Him. All that to say, I am running a little behind on my gap year prep in the traditional sense, but He is constantly showing me how to produce good fruit. The one thing I know is that God has been faithful, and He will continue to be. I trust in His goodness as I move forward in this life. He is good all of the time.
