“Pick up your mat, and walk.”

After an eventful week in Georgia, and a strenuous travel day, we have safely arrived in Guatemala! As I reflect on our first five days in this beautiful country, I am overwhelmed with gratitude. I have never felt so at home in a place before. It took ten minutes on a chicken bus, crammed between the wall and a stranger, to fall in love with this beautiful location.

To recap what happened before we left – getting to Guatemala had a few delays. We took a few days after Florida to debrief our time of ministry, give feedback to one another, and rest. Feedback is a term we use to call each other into a deeper alignment with Christ. We got delayed due to the peaceful protests in Guatemala, but eventually we were able to hop on a plane and head out safely. For me, this extra time was spent sitting on the dining deck playing guitar, having one-on-ones with leaders, and coming to terms with the idea of community. Since meeting my teammates and squad members, trust has been a difficult thing for me to learn. At the start of the week, I painted a picture of what Georgia was to me, yet putting down the idea of community on the page was a roadblock. I’ve never been in a group where everybody is pushing each other to be more like Christ on a daily basis, and I’ve never seen so much honesty and vulnerability between friends. Learning how to open up, and be vocal about what is happening in my relationship with God with such an intentional team to open up with has taken time to get used to. The Lord has been so gentle with me. As I slowly dive deeper into these relationships, He reveals pieces of His character in every conversation. 

One of my sweet friends challenged me to read through the entirety of Psalms before we made it out of the country. When my Bible first opened up to the pages, I figured it would be an easy task. For the last five days in the states, I sat in the presence of the Lord, and I cried. We all have times where it feels like we’re wondering through the wilderness, and offering those hardships to God can feel impossible. Personally, reading all of the passages where the author cries out to the Lord was (and is) really convicting for me. My spirit was unsettled by those pages because I saw too much of myself in them. I began to realize that my identity wasn’t rooted in the Lord, and I was believing the lies of the enemy. The constant back and forth between praise and prayer hurt to read, let alone explain to anybody else what it felt like. For the longest time, I’ve been co-existing with the lie that I’m broken. I believed that everything I’ve done, and everything that has happened to me, all adds up to a person who is too damaged to be worth anything. Simultaneously struggling with feeling as though I should be capable of carrying my weight even through my trials. 

Saying “I don’t need help” became my catchphrase. At the airport, as we were waiting near the gate, I got a healthy dose of feedback in regards to my ankle. It had been over a month since my injury took place, and no progress was being made. People kept offering help, in my stubbornness I would often reject it. Plus, this round of feedback came from one of my best friends, which made it harder to justify myself or pretend like it was just one persons perspective. The fact is that the Lord doesn’t call us to handle our struggles alone, and that we are created to be in community. Later that night, as I finished the last chapter of Psalms, the realization that I placed value in being a fractured person set in. During worship the next morning (our first morning in Guatemala), instead of praying for healing over my ankle, I asked the Lord to come in and heal my heart.

My buddy Nick ran up behind me when a few leaders from the base came over to pray for me foot. He said “there is no way I’m missing this.” As they laid their hands, I began to weep. This injury was such a hinderance to the identity that I’d claimed for myself on both ends. It contradicted the value I placed in handling everything on my own, and supported the feeling that I needed to be broken in order for people to value me. I asked the Lord to break off the strongholds in my heart, then one of the leaders asked if I wanted to stand. He said “you’ve been sitting for too long.” I took a few steps, rolled my ankle around, still felt pain, and remembered to have faith. A few steps later, I took another quick roll. It took a few moments to process the lack of pain, and then I cried again. A whole group of people congragated around me and one of my friends as we prayed healing over each other. For the first time, it was impossible to ignore how precious it is to have these people alongside me in this journey. I heard the Lord clearly express His love for me, and how that is demonstrated through this beautiful community.

After they dispersed to head back into worship, the Lord sat with me. He showed me Mark 2:1-12. After weeks of reading verses where Jesus talks about faith and healing, God revealed this passage specifically, because it was the faith and the dedication of the friends of the paralytic that drew him into the presence of Jesus. And, it was their collective faith that Jesus saw. After reading this, I heard the Lord say “take up your boot, and walk.” So I did. For the first time in over a month, I was able to walk without a boot or a brace, purely by His grace and healing!

Through a little more excitement and discovery, I’ve learned that my ankle still isn’t capable of running, jumping, or dancing… but I can walk! Praise the Lord! 

God has shown me that the steps I take right now are by His strength, and it’s a testimony of His power. Every step is a step of faith. While there is still occasional pain, I am healed. My heart is going through the process of healing, and the Lord is allowing me to walk again. One of the things I missed the most during training camp was going on walks with God. Through our first few days in Guatemala, I’ve gone on intentional walks with Him around our compound. I couldn’t be more grateful for the blessing it is to spend time with the Lord in this way. He’s renewing my spirit, alongside my body, and all the glory goes to Him.

The teaching we received immediately after included the fact that through Christ, we are HOLY. Full and complete, not lacking anything. We are made whole, and righteous by His spirit in us. My identity is not in what I offer the Lord, but it is in what He has created me to be. I am strong, but I don’t have to carry my strength as a shield, because it is He who gives me strength. We are sinners, but God is our savior. He chose to die for us because He loves us. This season of life is a reconstruction of identity by the love of the Father. 

Guatemala has been such a blessing already, as it is a country full of peace and beauty. I am thouroughly enjoying all the new experiences, and the daily renewal of faith in His promises. Nothing compares to stumbling into a group of people worshipping in the center of the square, and having the blessing of praying over them in English, immediately followed by them praying over us in Spanish. I love sitting in coffee shops with my team as the rain sets in around us, listening to worship music, and admiring God’s creation. Plus, today is my 21st birthday! Getting to celebrate here in this culture, spend the day in worship and prayer, and minister to those in the city as well as my own squad was incredibly special. The Lord is moving here in Guatemala, and I’m loving this life I get to have. Thank you for your prayers, love, and support.