Little Moments Scattered Everywhere.

Today officially marks the beginning of month four of the race…
Over the month of November, I had a little extra time to sit and process what the Lord has been doing here in Guatemala. This gift of time came about because I was diagnosed with strep and bronchitis two weeks ago: another mini-health surprise on my race haha. Throughout navigating what it looks like to be sick in a foreign country, I took time to rest on the AIM base and sit with the Lord. Now, it’s been a while since I’ve written a blog, so buckle up – this is a long entry filled with stories of God’s promises, faithfulness, and provision!

For starters, I’m doing well! Since getting to training camp in September, I’ve been to the doctor six times. Now I have some pretty embarrassing stories from the Guatemala hospital… *shoot me a text if you want to hear the goofy details of my three visits to VitalMed haha.* I went to the doctor yesterday because I woke up with pink eye, and they did a check on my lungs to make sure the recovery was going well. Alongside that, I got diagnosed with a sinus infection, and we took X-rays of my lungs. We discovered a slight inconsistency in my diaphragm, so here’s a little fun fact, I’m now an inhaler kid! They told me that I needed to get it checked out in the States when I go home. Then, they gave me copies of my X-ray and it is hanging in my team’s window for decoration. Currently, I have a mini medication routine every morning and night to help my recovery process, and I’m trying to figure out how to get all my stuff over the border to Vietnam because we leave in a week!
Through all my medical adventures, I’ll be transparent with how my heart is tired *emotionally I mean*. Maintaining a spirit of peace, and relying on the Lord for my daily abilities is a longstanding lesson. One of the things that sticks out from these first three months of the race, is that we need to trust in God for everything. I’ve spent so much time trying to convince myself that I can handle everything on my own and that I don’t need anybody’s help, but that is simply not how we were created to function. I discovered that in my life, I’ve coexisted with the lie that I need to carry my own weight, and learning how to let people into what I’m walking through has been a difficult challenge. I like to work through things before I show people what is going on, and through the race, the only way for us to function properly is if we have good communication and transparency in what is happening. Specifically in my team, we are a group of incredible individuals, and giving up my independence for their benefit has taken time to learn. Coexisting in a room with seven other girls is a beautiful challenge, especially when you all share one bathroom, and with the honor of being with each other all day. Being alone is a non-existent luxury during the race.
My walk with vulnerability began at the start of the race, and I can see where the Lord is working in my heart in this area. Specifically in breaking down the lie that I am better off on my own. I’ve grown an appreciation for how intentional the Lord was with His design of the world and us. The depiction of the church body in 1 Corinthians 12 was essential in learning how to operate in a community. And Genesis 2:18 says “Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” As much as I enjoy being alone, it is nothing compared to the joy that comes when we work together to advance the Kingdom. Because of this, I’ve been asking the Lord to give me a heart that seeks after my team and loves them fully for who He has created each of them to be. It has been such a joy to have the Lord completely tear down my perspectives, and replace them with intricate pictures of how He made them.
Sharing the burden of others has always been important to me. I love to take care of people and see them as the Lord sees them. Yet, if the roles get reversed, I tend to recoil back into my shell and shut it down. I don’t like needing help or appearing weak. Especially when it comes to my emotions, it’s been hard to communicate my feelings because of the fear that the people I confide in will see me as incapable. I know this isn’t in alignment with the truth: that the Lord sees my brokenness and He is the ultimate healer. He’s been patiently walking me through what it means to have healthy communication with my new family. And, as difficult as it is, He’s teaching me the importance of healthy boundaries. Praise God haha.

So, because there is power in our testimonies, our prayers, and our words, here are just a few stories of what the Lord has done for me in Guatemala.

The Lord has taught me what it means to rest in His promises. In terms of wanting a family, and understanding that God’s plans are better than my own. Right before I left for the race, I ended a relationship with a person whom I still want the best for. In full transparency – I’ve never been comfortable with the idea of marriage, and I wasn’t shy in communicating that with him. Before I left, I genuinely thought that I would come back and marry him. A few months after I initially was accepted to the race, the Lord was pretty clear with me that I had a choice: I could stay in Gig Harbor and marry this person, or I could go on the race. With the knowledge that the Lord had called me out to ministry and the understanding that He has the power to do anything, I thought that I could have it both ways. I struggled internally attempting to hold onto the relationship through my preparations for this journey, all the while suffocating it, causing a lot of heartache on both ends. Because of this, I struggled with a lot of shame and guilt for the way that things had taken place, and I wasn’t sure how to move forward. Offering it to the Lord was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. After offering it, fully releasing it to Him was even harder.
Even after all the potential conversations were over, I still hoped that the Lord would change the outcome. I remember crying on the floor, begging Him to fix it all so it would work out how I wanted it to. People say that time heals everything, but what it really does is it helps us let go of what we think we understand so that we have the space to let the Lord come in and heal us. One of the struggles I’ve had in relationships is a tendency to rely on the other person to sustain me in the ways that I need to rely on the Lord. This is something I hate to admit to you all because it’s an area I’m such a human in. Another thing I also hate to draw attention to is the fact that I am a human. So… why am I telling you all of this? It seems like a bunch of memories I don’t want to even acknowledge. Well, I’ve learned that part of walking with the Lord is owning up to your mistakes. Repenting for them, giving them to Him, and walking in forgiveness of self.
Two months ago, someone told me to pray and tell the Lord what I want in life and reminded me that I don’t have to be afraid to desire something from Him. For the first time, I admitted that I hope to be married someday. This opened up pieces of my heart that I had previously shut out of fear. It helped me walk through healing and changed my perspective of self. I saw things that made me feminine and didn’t immediately condemn them. The love that the Lord has for me as a daughter was overflowing, and I could rest in His presence without feeling like I was hiding from Him. I allowed myself to be a person who purely hopes for a relationship grounded in the Lord, and it was a beautiful moment of falling in love with His promises. He’s been teaching me about what love is, and how to steward it well. While I currently have no romantic prospects, He’s renewing my idea of marriage so that I can fall in love with Him, the Word, and His plan. The best example of love is Christ and His love for us. “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” – John 15:13

Last weekend, my team and I got the honor to give away three houses to different families in Guatemala. During these special events, we took photos, ate meals, and spent time with the families celebrating their new homes. Each person was overwhelmed with gratitude at the Lord’s provision. My time was filled with holding little kiddos, laughing with them while we played games, and listening eagerly to the stories of each family. I decided the best way to let you into this special experience was to share pieces of my journal entries.
“When we got to the house, I went over to the kids immediately. There were maybe seven of them, each with a ton of energy. A little boy was sitting near the back of the house with a toy truck, so I went over and sat down with him. I tried to get him to talk to me, but he wouldn’t, and I’d say he was a little over a year old. When a few other kids came back to join us, they brought more trucks and snoopy toys. As we headed to take photos with the family, I picked up the little boy and brought him with me. I held him the whole time, and he fell asleep in my arms. From what I understand, he was one of their cousins. I cried a little bit as I prayed over the house, family, and the little boy. I prayed that he would grow up to know the love of the Lord, that he would be strong in his faith, used to glorify God in the nations. I continued praying that he would have people come into his life and disciple him in the Lord’s timing. Then my team headed into the city. Saying goodbye was hard because it would be the last time I see these kids in this lifetime, but even in that moment, the Lord filled me with peace and gratitude. Even for a small moment, I got to be in their lives and share the love of God through the love I had for each of them. From running around with the little girl who gave us all flowers, to having conversations about how the Lord has been faithful to the families, everything had an impact. Praise God for the joy and the laughter He brings in all situations and circumstances. ” -11-25-23
“At the first house today, we played hide and seek with the two boys who were there. The younger boy grabbed my hand and ran around with me. I didn’t even catch his name. As we waited together, we played games of rock-paper-scissors and tried our best to keep our giggles to a minimum. The morning went on, we threw some balloons around, ate a meal with the family, and worshiped in their new home. When they shared their testimonies, it was a blessing to see how the Lord had provided for them. Through everything they said, the main thing that stood out was how they had prayed for one room, and now they have a house. They encouraged us to keep relying on the Lord for everything and were grateful for all He had done already. I got to sit in their home, pray, read my Bible, and worship. I prayed that it would be a house full of peace and that the favor of the Lord would rest on it.
House number two was for a pastor and his family. The little boy in the red shirt remembered me from when we were painting the other day, and right before dinner one of the little girls came over to me. I picked her up and we went dancing in front of the house. I spun around with her in my arms, and she giggled the whole time. I gave her my ring before heading inside to eat with the pastor and my team (we ate until our bellies were full of tortillas). After dinner, I went outside and saw a young boy staring into the window of the house. I scooped him up and held him until we had to leave. He was so gentle, and he was only five years old. Setting him down and saying goodbye was sad, yet still full of peace. I sat in the back of the truck with Emma, Elise, and Arwyn. We all marveled at the beautiful sunset that the Lord painted for us. It was a moment of pure gratitude that I live with my sweet sisters and serve others by their side. All that to say, today was a beautiful day, and the Lord was so good to me. It was an honor to be a part of those life-changing events, and I’m so grateful for His provision to all. I want to remember everything about this day, especially spinning in circles and dancing with those sweet kiddos. I want to remember staring at the beautiful sunset with my sisters, in awe of the Lord’s creation and blessings, thanking them for the privilege of loving them. Today, I was overwhelmed by the goodness of God, and it is such a joy to be His daughter.” – 11-26-23.

That was just a glimpse of what life looks like here. The Lord is constantly teaching me more of what it means to walk in His grace at a pace of peace. These were just a few moments that stuck out to me over these last few weeks, and I look forward to sharing more about what the Lord has done for us in the future.
All my love, Deborah.